My Theme Song

I was reading my friend Phoebe's blog and she had a theme song for her blog. So it got me to thinking about the song that continues to get me through my days. If you listen to the lyrics you will understand why that is :)

Brought Me To Tears...

A touching poem (apologize for the format)...

Marines Final Inspection
Author: -Unknown

Marine stood and faced God Which must always come to pass
He hoped his shoes were shining Just as brightly as his brass.
"Step forward Marine, How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?"
The Marine squared his shoulders and said, "No, Lord, I guess I ain't
Because those of us who carry guns Can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays And at times my talk was tough,
And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough.
But, I never took a penny That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime When the bills got just too steep.
And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear,
And sometimes, God forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place Among the people here,
They never wanted me around Except to calm their fears.
If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand,
I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand."
There was a silence all around the throne Where the saints had often trod
As the Marine waited quietly, For the judgment of his God.
"Step forward Marine, You've borne your burdens well,
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell."

Why Doesn’t He Listen?

Over the course of the last year or so the Bush administration has taken a lot of criticism and lost a great deal of its approval rating among the American public due to his War on Iraq. It started, After 9/11, as the war on Terror. We sent our troops and attacked Afghanistan. We then, under a false suspicion of Weapons of mass destruction ended up in Iraq. Although the allegations were false, we at least captured Saddam Hussein and recently executed him on the count of mass genocide. So my question is that over the last six years with all of the brave American soldiers that have given there lives for this, what have we actually accomplished? There are a lot of little steps of forced democracy that are beginning to appear, but what will happen to Iraq after we do withdraw our troops will they continue to progress, or will we ever really withdraw our troops? Will Iraq just become another commonwealth of the U.S.?

As of right now I feel pretty strongly that what we are gaining right now over seas is not worth the lives of U.S. and Iraqi soldiers and civilians that are being taken everyday because of this conflict. I just wish that Bush would listen to the American people...I just want my Brett home!

No One Prouder

There is no one prouder than a fine military mother. I have never seen or met someone as strong as Bretts mother. Her support is of the strongest caliber to be found. Even though she knows what she has to do is hard, she lovingly does it with great care and heart.

Today I have asked Brett’s mother Val to be a guest blogger...

Let me start by saying that I have never once questioned what my son is doing over there. I believe in the rationale that has brought him there and I am proud of the courage that WILL bring him home to me. Ever since Brett was a boy he has been a leader. His determination and will-power are infectious and I believe that these characteristics along with the graces of God will shield him from danger. There are many young men today that spend their days drinking, doing drugs and literally wasting away. These people should be ashamed of themselves and their selfish lives. That is what a soldier is, someone who believes in something bigger than themselves. A boy who becomes a man by seeing a purpose that reaches out further into the realm of their existence, and into the lives of others. I instilled as many of these qualities as I could in Brett, but many of them have always been present. Shame on those individuals who waste their days protesting a war that is already well in progress. I would love to tell them why don’t you spend half the time writing thank you cards to the brave men who are fighting to protect the rights that you are demonstrating, freedom of speech. At the end of each day I thank God for my family and know that we will soon be reunited, in this life or the next. I thank God for the lifestyle that I often take for granted. And I thank God for Brett.

Are We Headed For A Cliff...

An American Parable if I've ever seen one! If our president would just stop for a second and listen to the people in this country, maybe we wouldn’t be headed down the road for such a catastrophe! Bush is off course, lost and refusing to ask for directions (like most men..hehe)! When will he succumb to the people pleading for his attention? Will it take another disaster like 9/11 to recognize the importance of OUR homeland security rather than Iraqi’s? I pray to God we never reach the edge of that cliff!

Too Close For Comfort...

"Because of the nature of this war, there will be more people with mental problems than in the Persian Gulf War – it will be more like the Vietnam War”

- Lawrence J. Korb,
(former assistant secretary of defense under President Reagan and senior fellow for the Center for American Progress.)

Quotes like Korb’s really make me question exactly how much the media is withholding from us. Are the affects of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) really comparable to the aftermath of Vietnam?
A week ago today, Brett’s best friend Tim returned home from being in Iraq. Tim is in Brett’s same unit, Fox Battery 11, and came back early for reasons I am unaware of. My best friend, her boyfriend Eric, Tim and I went out last night for a couple of drinks. We were all talking and having a good time until Tim started to get major anxiety. It was nothing we said or did that caused him to show signs of PTSD, but simply it was his inability to relate. It wasn’t long after we left that he began to express his feelings. Rough night to say the least.

Brett and Tim:



The Fox news station stated that 15- 17 percent of combat soldiers surveyed upon their return from Iraq exhibited signs of anxiety, major depression or other mental health problems. Will Brett be a part of this statistic, and if the officials can devise a figure such as this why can’t they come up with a solution? I have heard that the stigma attached with seeking help often prevents soldiers from reaching out. This makes me ask WHY then isn’t psychological treatment and/or evaluation MANDATORY after service? This notion seems like common sense to me. The government has established online chat rooms, hotlines and support groups as means for acquiring help. All of these attempts involve an individual’s decision to admit to having a problem which over half those affected with PTSD never do! I’m not sure if I will be able to tell if Brett is exhibiting signs of PTSD. I may just think he is having trouble readjusting to society, or feeling disconnected from non-military family and friends. I am so scared that I will not see the signs and that Brett will become part of a statistic that gets documented and forgotten. The thought of him feeling trapped in a pit of emotion where he feels alone and weak is crushing. If we are sending all these soldiers over there with our prayers, nourishing their emotions with care packages and support from home, and celebrating their return then WHY isn’t the same amount of attending being paid to restoring their sense of humanity?

Great Answer...

A couple posts back I asked Brett what the hardest part about being in the marines was. He had to go on a three day mission to Fulluja so he wasn’t able to respond. But I got an email from him today answering the question.

What is the hardest part about being in the military?

Sorry it took me so long babe! Forty hours of driving along plus not hearing your voice was pretty shitty…anyways. I would have to say that the hardest part about being in the military, especially the marines is the sacrifice and the demand of sacrifice that you not only have to make in yourself, but the sacrifice you and your friends and family have to make. Seeing the faces of your loved ones when you have to tell them you are going to miss a birthday or hearing the tremble in their voices when you tell them you are deploying to a combat zone for 7-9 months and don’t know if you are coming back, is the hardest part. Your loved ones and friends and family are the ones that make what we have to go through all worth it! Knowing they trust you to protect them and seeing those same trembling faces, when you get back off that bus straight from Iraq (which I am so looking forward to), or seeing those tears full of thankfulness to God is SO WORTH IT! The feeling in knowing that you served your country with honor and pride-that is what makes all the unspeakable worth it. I commend my friends and family but especially you my loved one for her sacrifice and beautiful heart that opened up and accepted this challenge. I am so proud of you and most importantly thankful for you and all you have done for me. Ya ya keep smiling!!!!

Can't Get More Real Than This...

A little Q & A from Brett himself:

What is your impression of the President?

That’s a full loaded question...let’s see! President Bush is my Commander in Chief which means- what he says goes! Whatever choices he makes, I will stick by him and serve him until the day I get out of the marines and probably after that as well! This goes for me and all my brothers I serve with. Whether we agree with his decisions or not, is NOT the issue! We made an oath to serve under God and our country and we are proud to so without. If service members didn’t take discipline of following this order, our military and defense of this country would eventually fall apart. There is no room for me to have an opinion. WHAT HE SAYS GOES!

You are enveloped in a war. What is your onion on the progression, or lack of, of the war?

For people who work so hard day in and day out to complete a mission, I am disappointed to say that I don’t think it is progressing! The goals the American people think are being pursued- helping the innocent, rebuilding school, building the economy from the ground up- are NOT happening. The American people don’t hear about the reality of what is taking place in Iraq. Progression= killing the bad guys by striking fear in any and ALL insurgents that threaten the security and safety of our country. We are wiping them out before they plan and attack on our soil. We are taking the war to them and protecting our innocent every step of the way!

What is the hardest part about being in the military?

This could take me days…let me get back to you on that one!

When he answers the question, I will make sure to post it!!!!!

The Great Wall of Baghdad

If you haven’t been watching the news lately, then you have probably not heard about President Bush’s latest and most ingenious plan for progressing the Iraqi people towards peace and democracy. Ok, I am being sarcastic… Apparently the way to stop sectarian violence between the Shiites and Sunnis is to build a Wall that divides two neighborhoods that are a stronghold for their respective groups in Baghdad. Why haven’t we thought about this before? This supposedly terrorist proof wall is made up of “quality” cinder blocks that run for 3 miles and are stacked twelve feet high. American soldiers say that it is key in there military strategy, and that it will allow them to control traffic through a few major checkpoints.

The Iraqi citizens who are victimized by terrorist attacks should be feeling a little safer now, don’t you think? Well the response is quite the opposite from these people. Not to mention the faulty construction of the wall thus far, most Sunni Arabs feel as though that this wall will create even more tension and “box them in,” making it even easier for terrorist attacks to take place. God forbid that the attackers willing to die in suicide bombings would not be willing to find a ladder to get over the wall or walk a couple miles to get around it. Somehow this plan just seems like some sort of an attempt to falsely portray some sort of progress.

What We Don't See...

The pictures below are not the result of Bush’s plan in Iraq… they are the result of the soldiers fighting for Iraqi freedom…they are the real heroes!

Just taggin' along:



I didn't know the plan entailed this:



In their spare time:



Operation Iraqi Children-One thing Bush is doing right:

Torn...

I must admit that it has taken me awhile to open up about my feelings and reactions to Bush and the war in Iraq. Part of me feels the obligation to stand by my man and his commander in chief while the other half of me wants to be honest with myself. I feel torn between the two battling points, not knowing which position is better and which one is worse.

Yesterday I got an email from Brett’s mother. It was in response to an email I had recently sent her about my feelings about the war. I told her that my optimism for this war was slowly dying and that as every day passes, the angrier I am at the president. She responded the way a true military mother would. She said:

I know that he gets up every morning and prays for our Brett. He is a man of conviction and he really believes this is the right thing to do. We support this decision because we know he is a very strong Christian man and he prays for the right decisions. Yes there have been many bad
decisions made, but I feel he trusted some of those men who were not leading us in the right direction.

America has forgotten what happened on 9/11, but I as a mom of two boys will never forget. I watched them drive off to high school that morning, Brett was a junior and Ryan a freshman. And I remember when Brett came home that day after school he wanted to know where he could enlist to serve his country. Katie do you remember President Bush's speech to the nation that night of 9/12, he said this war would not be
over for a long time. Americans have forgotten.

The Mom Herself with Brett and His Buddys:)




Can you see why I’m torn?

Media's Reality is NOT Reality...

We see the war in Iraq through the lens of the media. What we see is what we get. We take-in the disturbing visuals, listen to the commentary, and than interpret the meaning of it all in ways that it is being fed to us. But do we REALLY know what’s going on over there, or are we simply brainwashed by what the media wants us to believe? Reality of the matter isn’t what is being exposed on the news, REALITY comes from the true stories of men who live it EVERYDAY! To an extent, I know the reality of the matter. It’s devastating and scary and usually hard to swallow. Most of the time I ask questions, but am turned down with answers; Brett feels the need to protect my heart. Regardless, what I hear from Brett and what I gather from the media are two TOTALLY different stories. What does that say about the medias intentions? What are the motives of the media and whom exactly are they trying to convince? Is the exposure of the Democratic opposition to the war simply an election tactic, or are they genuinely passionate about the subject?

Even certain news stations, such as MSNBC, FOX, and CNN etc. are all politically charged with different intentions. FOX tends to be more conservative and CNN more liberal. News is news. Facts are facts. When did our country sacrifice the truth for viewer ship purposes?

For the purpose of our morale about the war, I wish people had a “Brett” in their lives; someone who would ground the situation, rather than spin it with intentional value.

Can't Be Good For Our Morale...

This week, we celebrate the fourth anniversary of the war in Iraq: 24,000+ U.S. soldiers wounded and 30,000-100,000 Iraqis killed. Who would have ever imagined that our sense of obligation to a country, would have lasted this long? I spent a fair amount of time today navigating through the news today, trying to find an article or story glorified the soldiers overseas. All I came upon was Bush bashing entries. I am appalled by some of the things I heard.

Here are a couple lines just to name a few.

“"Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam.”
"By going to war in Iraq, President Bush squandered the immense good will of the world community that we had won in the wake of 9/11,"
"Now, one year later, combat deaths are more than five times that of a year ago when our president celebrated 'mission accomplished',"
"Young lives cut short in a pointless conflict and all the president can say is that it 'has been a tough couple of weeks.”

I am trying so hard to understand why it is that the media would rather report on what everyone already knows, than a story that could potentially touch people’s heart instead. The four anniversary should have been a day of commemoration or a day to somber those that have sacrificed for our country. Instead it was spent restating thoughts about our president that we already knew.

I am in fury with how the media handles the news coverage. It is one thing to not support our president, but it is another thing to completely ridicule a man who leads our country. There is something wrong our country when we can go on public television and feel okay about laughing in the face of our leader.

Here for example is a clip from MSNBC entitled “Is Bush an Idiot?”

Watch it and than ask yourselves, can this really be good for our country?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkQcnDCjyuQ

The Reality of the Matter...

Ramadi, Iraq!

A Normal Civilian :)

Doesn't That Put Your Heart at Rest?

Not Always Easy...

One of hardest parts about being in a military relationship is the struggle to accept and combine two polar opposite worlds. Being in a college environment where life revolves around class, schoolwork, internships, Greek life, and the social scene doesn’t always mix perfectly with lifestyle that revolves around fighting for the actual safety of life. At times I crave a type of relationship where our lives meet in the middle. A life where his worries rely merely on an upcoming test or a presentation. I can remember far more mornings of Brett leaving at 4am just to make roll call at 7am, than the mornings of us waking up together. I’ve never walked to class with Brett or met up for lunch on a Monday afternoon. My spring break never worked out with his leave time and nights when I wanted to go out with him and my friends were always dampered by early wake up calls. But for the two years that we’ve been together, none of that mattered because there has always been so much good to weigh out the bad. Brett made more sacrifices for this relationship than I could possibly ask for. He could not have done a better job of making this abnormal relationship, normal for me.

I look at friends who have “normal” college relationships and wonder why I didn’t follow in the same path; why I was thrown this curve ball. But in the end, I am thankful for challenge that’s been given to me. It has made me the strong, enduring person that I am today. I didn’t sign up to be in a military relationship but with the man comes the package right? Whether or not Brett and I stay together forever, I will have learned the most valuable lesson of all- with love comes sacrifice and with sacrifice comes strength.

President Bush has now authorized 4,700 more troops for Iraq in addition to the 21,500 he ordered with his announcement of an escalation of military force in January. He is also ordering an additional 3,500 troops into Afghanistan. Stretching ourselves a little too thin? When did the rest of the world become our first priority? From Iraq to Iran and now to Afghanistan, our military is being dangerously subjugated for reasons even the general public is unaware of. It is our general public whose sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, etc. whose paying the consequence for HIS decision.

As I am writing this entry, I am dumbfounded on how my views have completely altered in the course of months. But I have a question for President Bush: How strong is your fate that peace will actually be the outcome of this war. To have world peace, it would require everyone in the world, fundamentally, to respect every other human being in the world. But today many religions are teaching intolerance rather than respect — and in some cases, advocating violence against others who do not share their beliefs. If a group does not respect the right of another group to exist, obviously the two groups will never be at peace; if people do not respect the rights of other people to live and believe differently, there will always be the threat of oppression in the future. So, until these religions start teaching respect instead of intolerance, or until they fade away because people realize the inhumanity of what they are teaching, we will never achieve true world peace. Is the cost of death worth the SLIGHT chance of resolution?

Other Casualities of War...

A huge misunderstanding about war is that war is simply about life and death. But one must understand that death isn’t always the most destructive cause of being over seas. Of course my worries subside in my fear that he may never come home, but I also fear that he may never come back the same. I fear that every time Brett looks in the mirror, he sees a casualty of war. And that every time he goes to bed, he is awaken by the horror of his past. If these post affects of war weren’t so common, I may sleep better at night. The fact is that they are every bit as common as the studies on them indicate.

A little background info on the syndrome. PTSD is a psychological response to the experience of intense traumatic events, particularly those that threaten life. It can affect people of any age, culture or gender. It is often times a result of men in the military who have been in life and death situations and who have seen things that most people never see. Feelings of the traumatic event can intrude into the lives of individuals around them (me). They may have nightmares of the event or other frightening themes. Movement, excessive sweating, and sometimes even acting out the dream while still asleep may accompany these nightmares. PTSD can cause depression, anxiety, problems with family and friends (me), the need/want to connect or communicate with others (me).

Brett continues to tell me that he is the same and that he has not allowed his environment to alter his way of thinking, but statistics say that 1 in 8 men returning from Iraq suffer from PTSD. Scary scary thought! Just another reason why this war isn't on my side and I'm not on its'!

For more information on the syndrome and how to cope visit:

http://www.iraqwarveterans.org/ptsd.htm

Subjects of War...

Morning after morning I wake up to here about the progress in Iraq, or the lack there of. First, I am overwhelmed with distress but I'm quickly overcome with anger. Most of my anger is directed towards our president. The rest is directed towards the fact that I, ALONE, can do nothing about it. How much more war must the world see to know it is painful, destructive and in many cases deemed "evil"? And yet, we have wars; prepare for war, negotiate for and against war, clean up after war, discuss war, photograph war, write about war, sing about war and even watch war on TV. Throughout history man has actually gone to war to fight for peace! Its as if war is a part of mans condition in the universe and perhaps that is why we understand and yearn for peace. We fight for life because we understand the pain and darkness of death. Interesting question to ask yourself- can we know peace without war?

Divided We Stand...

Don’t you find it disturbingly ironic that CHURCH, the holiest and purest sanctity in the Christian religion, had the nerve to flaunt this foul and malice comment? How can a place where all Christians gather to worship, post such a despicable and disgusting comment about a fellow Christian? I may not agree with the Presidents plan to troop surge, but these sort of comments are what divides our country and causes us to be susceptible to our enemies. While stirring up potential blog posts, I can’t help but conclude JUST HOW distorted our society can be.

How Unfortunate...

It is impossible to overstate the media's importance. They are, in a very real sense, the gatekeepers of reality for most Americans. For people who don't read blogs or alternative publications, the media are their sole source of information and interpretation of what's going on in our community, our state, our country and our WORLD. Which gets me to my main point. How is it that only few hours after Anna Nicole Smiths death, her name and face were plastered all over the news, internet and the radio but yet there is almost NO media attention to our fallen or returning soldiers from Iraq. There are soldiers dying for your country every damn day and they get a brief …"Four Marines Killed in Iraq…”…”Another Plane Shot Down Killing 3 American Soldiers,” and does anyone bother to make note of these men and women dying for OUR country? What is wrong with the media...with our country...with our priorites? There are 3000+ men and women dying at much younger ages doing much bigger and better things than selling trim spa. Can the media, for once, set aside viewership numbers and concentrate on what REALLY matters? Our people are dying for the good of our country and who ALSO dont get proper goodbyes. People need to start recognizing who the REAL heroes are in this country and STOP feeding into the insensitive B.S that the media is cluttering our minds with. I don’t want to hear the name Hilton for a month…unless of course I’m checking into one.